The New York Times reported the amazing story of a Turkish Moslem woman Fethiye Cetin who was told by her Grandmother, on her death bed that she has been kidnapped when she was a child, during the Armenian Genocide and adopted later by a Turkish family. That revelation changed her life for ever.

“I was in a state of shock for a long time-I suddenly saw the world through different eyes,” she said. She then espoused Christianity, the faith of her forefathers and became a Human Rights attorney, in Turkey. She represented Hrant Dink, the editor of the Turkish-Armenian newspaper Agos when he was prosecuted for referring to the genocide. Mr. Dink was later killed by a young Turkish ultranationalist. To this day, the Turkish Government refuses to acknowledge what happened in 1915, when close to 1.5 million Armenians were killed, among them my grandfather Mihran Tchividjian.

Would we be shattered if we were told today that we had been adopted and that our biological parents were of a different ethnicity and faith? Would it change us and subsequently would it change the rest of our lives?

The issue of identity has been pondered by philosophers since antiquity. In the 5th Century BC, the philosopher Socrates gave us a good advice when he wrote “know Thyself.” However few, if any, have been able to reach that understanding.

Who are we or who do we think we are? How do our friends and family describe us? What characterizes us? Is it gender, ethnicity, nationality, religion, education, experience, profession? Is it values? Maybe it is all of these and more in different proportions.

We should also consider that people change, sometimes after a dramatic or traumatic event. Others go through an “identity crisis.”  Milan Kundera, in his short novel “Identity” writes about the fact that the human sense of self is precarious.

Author and Professor of Philosophy Kwame Anthony Appiah, at the Center for Human Values at Princeton University published a book entitled The Ethics of Identity. In his book Prof. Appiah explores the link between who we are and what we are, between individuality and morals obligations either to a particular community or the community in general.

There is a close connection between identity and ethics. Virtues are character traits. Our sense of who we are, (or who we want to be) and what we do are closely linked.

One could ask the question “are we defined by our actions or is it because of who we are that we do or do not do certain things?

Erich Fromm, the German philosopher and social psychologist believes he has the answer to that question. He wrote:

“Integrity simply means not violating one’s own identity.”

The New York Times reported last week that Fidelity National Financial, the nation’s largest title insurance company did not tell investors of dozens of lawsuits accusing the company of participating in mortgage fraud. The company makes the claim that the disclosure is irrelevant in fraud disputes. C. Hugh Friedman at the University in San Diego said that reasonable investors “would want to know, and consider it important to know, that the company in which they were investing was paying out millions of dollars in claimed losses.

Transparency is highly recommended for good ethical management. It is sometimes a legal obligation. The Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 raised significantly the standards of corporate transparency and accountability.  The Foreign Corruption Practice Act (FCPA) allows what is called “facility payments” which must be occasional, small in value and must be disclosed.

Showing transparency and the disclosing of facts that may not necessarily be advantageous builds trust. We all know that we do not live in a perfect world and that people and companies make mistakes. Being open about them is always reassuring.

The opposite is true. The very fact of hiding something creates suspicion even if what is hidden is of no importance or of no consequences.

Transparency International, the leading organization that fights corruption worldwide chose its name well. Bribery and extortion are usually done in secret. Maybe the founders were inspired by the quote in Scriptures that says: “but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.” Very often, light is the best disinfectant.

Sometimes non-disclosure of confidentiality is a legal obligation or highly recommended.  The CIA, for instance would not be able to operate if transparency was the norm or required.

Transparency is not an absolute value and has its limits. Does anybody have absolutely “nothing to hide?” I doubt it. Privacy is an important value as well. There are such things as secrets and they should be kept. Today, in my opinion, we are exposed to too much of people’s private lives. Celebrities and now, with reality TV, just about anyone is ready to reveal to the world what should remain most private.

What are the guidelines to determine what should be revealed and what should not?

1.    We should be aware of our legal obligations and consult an attorney when in doubt.

2.    We should be clear as to our motivations for either transparency or secrecy.

3.    We should think of the consequences, both for ourselves and for others before taking action.

Felix Adler, the founder of the Society for Ethical Culture once said:

“The hero is the one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by.  The saint is the man who walks through the dark paths of the world, himself a light.”

Mayor Bloomberg in his January 1st   2010. third term inauguration speech said that “his job was to listen and to lead.” He might have been thinking of the quote from Woodrow Wilson who once said: “The ear of the leader must ring with the voice of the people.”

Is there an ethics of listening? Prof. Michael Purdy PhD, University Professor of Communication Studies, at Governor’s State University IL, believes that listening is a social behavior and therefore falls under the umbrella of ethics. Prof. David Beard of the Department of Writing Studies, University of Minnesota-Duluth in an article entitled “A Broader Understanding of the Ethics of Listening: Philosophy, Cultural Studies, Media Studies and the Ethical Listening Subject” published by the International Journal of Listening in January 2009 says that listening is a choice and that there are five key choices we all make when we decide to listen. They are:

1.    The choice to listen individually
2.    The choice to listen selectively
3.    The choice not to listen
4.    The choice to listen together
5.    The choice to listen to each other.

The motivation or intent in making those decisions are often of an ethical nature.

Listening is also a skill and an art. Physicians, lawyers and Human Resources professionals depend on the skill of listening to perform their job successfully. An Ethics Officer also needs to know how to listen. Truth is often elusive and the risks of misunderstanding for an ethics officer can have a significant negative impact.

How can we be or become good listeners? Below are some ideas.

A good listener should:

1.    Be receptive, keeping an open mind and be able to make abstraction of all he or she knows or assumes. It is not always easy to do so. We all have presumptions or preconceived ideas about the person who is talking to us and of the situation involved.

2.    Be non-judgmental because judgment will limit our listening.

3.    Be observant. People “speak” in ways other than words. Body language and demeanor can be very revealing.

4.    Search for meaning beyond words and ask ourselves the question “What is the speaker really saying?”

5.    Have empathy and try to understand the background, the life conditions and possible motivation of the speaker.

6.    Be someone that can be trusted and respected.

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said:

“It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”

As we celebrate the holidays, let’s reflect on some of their meaning.

The term “holiday” comes from “Holy Days.” In today’s secular society the sense of the holy or sacred is for many no longer relevant. We have loss the sense of the sacred. However we may have lost more than what some consider as just an arcane religious concept. Losing the sense of the sacred has led many to a loss of meaning and of values.

There is a close connection between holiness and integrity. The etymology of the word “holy” comes from the 11th century old English word of “halig” which means uninjured, entire and complete. The etymology of the word “integrity” means one, whole and complete.

The philosopher Immanuel Kant believed that the moral law was sacred.

Prof. Antoine Vergote who studied in Paris with Claude Levi-Strauss and Jacques Lacan wrote in his book A Psychological Study of Religions, Belief and Unbelief that: “the sacred nature of moral law is derived from the sacred nature of the human person.” Even in a secular environment and in the media we often hear the expressions of “the sanctity of marriage” and the “sanctity of life.”

Our sense of what is right and wrong, of morality and ethics has deep roots in religious traditions. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin’s second volume of A Code of Jewish Ethics, is subtitled “Be Holy” making reference to the verse that says: “You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy.” His book is not so much about the observance of Jewish laws and rituals but more about suggestions as to “how to improve our character and become more honest, decent and a just people.

This year, instead of making New Year’s resolutions, (that we very rarely observe anyway) why not make a list what is “sacred” to us or in another terminology, what we consider of the highest importance, what we value the most. Such a list might be very helpful in the decisions we make both in our private and professional life during the coming year.

Joseph Campbell wrote:

Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.

Happy Holy Days!

The etymology of “hero” means protector and defender. The meaning of heroism usually includes the notion taking of risks, sometimes the ultimate risk of losing one’s life in order to protect someone. A hero is also inspiring, an example to follow and someone to be admired.Heroes sometime fall and disappoint us. Tiger Woods is the latest example. Rabbi Benjamin Blech asks the pertinent question: “Does morality play a role in the way we judge people…..?” I believe it does or at least it should because it is character that defines who a person is. We may appreciate someone’s gifts or art and yet not consider them as heroes or models because of the way they conduct their lives.

Two weeks ago CNN aired a special program called Heroes-Everyday People Changing the World. It was truly inspiring to hear and see the story of ten (non-celebrity) individuals who had accomplished great things in service to others. It is interesting to note that none of the winners thought of themselves as heroes. It is usually the case with real heroes.

Among the 10 heroes were:

• Efren Penaflorida from the Philippines who refused to join a gang when he was 16 years old, at the risk of losing his life but instead decided to devote his life to educating street kids living in the slumps. His has educated more the 1,500 children, teaching them how to read and write with a pushcart classroom.

• Brad Blauser, a civilian contractor in Iraq quite his job to spend his life delivering free wheelchairs to Iraqi children. His Wheelchairs for Iraqi Kids program has distributed close to 650 wheelchairs so far. Brad is risking his life everyday doing why he knows is the right thing to do for him.

• Betty Makoni from Zimbabwe was raped at the age of six and not allowed, by her mother, to report the crime. Her tragic experience has led her to create the Girl Child Network who has provided a safe haven for more than 35,000 young victims of sexual abuse. She is speaking out against the so-called “virgin myth” that have people believe that a man with HIV or AIDS can be cured if he rapes a virgin.

These people and hundreds of thousands others like them have found a profound meaning in their lives.

We may not, because of our circumstances be given the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives doing such great things (although we should not close the door of our minds and heart to such a possibility.)

However we may face situations in our present private and professional lives where a punctual “heroic” action is called for. Sometimes “doing the right thing” involves taking risks and bearing a cost.

As Bob Dylan once said:

“I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.”

As we approach Thanksgiving, let’s reflect on the value of gratitude.

The New York Times just published a review of Margaret Visser’s new book entitled:  “The Gift of Thanks-The Roots and Rituals of Gratitude.” She believes that gratitude is a moral emotion. For her it is not so much about the gift received but about the receiver’s “whole life, her character, up-bringing, maturity experience, relationships with others and also her ideals, including her idea of the sort of person she is or would like to be.” 

Gratitude leads to generosity. America is a generous nation. Institutions and individuals give more to others than any other country in the world. The concept of “giving back” is born out of the sense of gratitude. One may argue that there are fiscal incentives that encourage giving. But the very fact that those incentives were included in the tax code indicates that the legislators’ intent was to encourage giving.

Gratitude in the workplace can increase job satisfaction and foster loyalty, which in turn can reduce turnover and thus increase productivity and profitability.

One could ask how can we be grateful when facing so many personal and national problems, particularly at this time. It might be helpful to put our problems into a global perspective.  Someone said that more than  half of the people in this world would love to have……. our problems. That is very true.

We also take too much for granted. It is unfortunate that we often need to have something taken away from us to realized how blessed we were prior to loosing it. Many years ago, I fell extremely ill and the doctors in the ICU in Lausanne, Switzerland did not think I would make it.  I too thought that this was most likely the end my life on this earth. I discovered that it is possible to die with regrets. I had one regret: I realized that I had passed through life without really appreciating nature, the wind, sunshine, the rain, the forest and flowers. I wished I would be given a second chance, even if for just one day. Well, I was given many more than one day. That was 38 years ago! I have been, ever since, much more appreciative of nature and grateful for life.

Jean Baptiste Massieu, the French politician during the French Revolution once said:

“Gratitude is the memory of the heart.” 

Happy Thanksgiving!

In the November 9^th 2009 issue of Time Magazine, Nancy Gibbs in her essay entitled the A Case for Modesty in an Age of Arrogance  makes a good case for the value of humility. She believes that the immodesty of those who “claimed to Know it All have Wiped Us Out.”

We can safely assert that the absence of humility or arrogance played a significant role in the recent collapse of major financial institutions.

Humility has not been a highly-priced value in corporate America. It is often seen as a sign of weakness.

We should take a second look at humility. 

Below are a few of it its attributes: 

• Humility is in fact a realistic attitude.

We know we are never truly the best. We know we are not always right and that we make mistakes. People around us know it too, yet we try to pretend otherwise. 

• Humility should not be confused with low self-esteem.

Rabbi Abraham Twerski, a professor of psychiatry and author, says that being humble means having an accurate sense of self and that is crucial to a healthy self-esteem. 

• Humility also allows us to have an open mind.

It allows us to respect and value the ideas of others as opposed to “blind” arrogance, which only allow us to see ourselves. 

• Humility allows us to laugh at ourselves.

It is an excellent indicator of good mental health. People that think too highly of themselves rarely have a good sense of humor.  Someone said that a “big shot” is only a “small shot” long away from home!  

• Humility is a great asset in leadership.

Gandhi, who led India to independence and Nelson Mandela who led South Africa out of Apartheid were known for their humility.  It is said that Moses, one of the greatest leaders of all times, was “the most humble man on the face of the Earth.” 

• Humility does not negate strong will power.

In his book “Good to Great” Jim Collins makes the point that companies that have outperformed their competitors were often led by individuals that had both strong personal humility and intense perseverance to reach their goals.

Jonathan Sacks, the Chief Rabbi of the U.K. once wrote:

“Humility — true humility — is one of the most expansive and life-enhancing of all virtues. It does not mean undervaluing yourself. It means valuing other people. It signals a certain openness to life’s grandeur and the willingness to be surprised, uplifted, by goodness wherever one finds it.”

Last week we heard about the two pilots from Northwest Airlines who simply forgot to land in Minneapolis. They overshot their destination by 150 miles. It is not exactly clear as to what happened and why they maintained radio silence for an hour and a half not responding to radio calls from ground control. National Guards planes were ready to take off to intercept the airplane should it be a hijacking. When finally one of the pilots radioed ground controlled he said: “We got distracted.”

There were a number of rumors has to what happened. Some reports claimed that the pilot and co-pilot were in a heated argument, others reports claimed that both were sound asleep. Neither one of these explanations is reassuring for travelers! The explanation the pilots gave the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) is that both pilots has lost tract of time while discussing new flight schedules. (Time did fly!).” Northwest suspended both pilots and then the FAA revoked their licenses. It was later revealed that they both had logged on their laptops. The investigation continues, but we can safely assume that the pilots were indeed distracted, we just don’t know exactly by what.

We are all prone to distractions. Some people are more inclined to be distracted than others, such as the “absent-minded professor” type. Consequences to distraction can be insignificant or disastreous. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 80% of crashes are due to some form of driver distraction. Harvard University study revealed that cell phone distraction causes 200 deaths and 500,000 injuries each year.

How can we minimize distractions? 

1. We have to be aware that we can all be distracted at one point or another and therefore exercise caution.

2. We should think about the possible consequences of distractions.

3. We should remember that sometimes distraction occurs not necessarily when our minds are rambling but when we think or concentrate about what is to come next instead of what is now. Thinking about the immediate future rather than the current present.

In some way we are all pilots. We may hold in our hands, in certain circumstances, the destiny of those who depend on us and who can be impacted by our distractions and their consequences. Responsibility, an important value in ethics, is the best antidote to distraction.

Christopher Columbus, a great navigator once said:

 ”By prevailing over all obstacle and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at the chosen goal or destination. “

On the New York Times bestseller list is the book Postsecret: Confessions on life, death and God by Frank Warren.  This is his 5^th Postsecret book. They are part of the Postsecret Project, an online community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one-side postcards. Someone wrote on one of the postcards

“I lied about the fact that I am depressed and suicidal because I was afraid they would not renew my pilot license.”

More than 10,000 cards have been collected so far and Postsecret.com has more than 500,000 fans on Facebook. Frank Warren believes that revealing a personal secret is therapeutic and can have a life-changing effect.

We all have secrets, our own and those that were entrusted to us. Individuals, corporations and government have secrets.

There are however circumstances when a secret has to be revealed.  Let me list two:

• When the secret has the potential of causing physical or financial harm to yourself or to others. 
• When keeping the secret violate your legal obligations.

The U.S. Government has a special office (The U.S. office of Special Counsel) that “serves as a safe conduit for the receipt and evaluation of whistleblower disclosures from federal employees, former employees, and applicants for federal employment.” One can file a report online!

Whistleblowers do perform important service to the community by exposing fraud and other illegalities. However in many cases their professional careers are permanently damaged. Whistleblowers Cynthia Cooper of WorldCom, Colleen Rowley of the FBI, and Sherron Watkins of Enron were named “Persons of the Year” by Time Magazine in 2002. Yet they were never again hired by neither the government nor by corporations. Cynthia Cooper created her own consulting firm and wrote a book, Colleen Rowley retired and Sherron Watkins write a blog called “The Insufferable Truth Blog.” She wrote a book as well. Could it be that people feel that someone that has been a whistleblower in the past is not to be trusted in the future?

Keeping a secret should not be difficult because the information we are given in confidence do not belong to us. It belongs to the person that trusted us with the secret. Disposing of something that is not ours is, in my view similar to stealing.

Respecting confidentially is an essential value in the profession or function of an ethics officer. Violating confidence even if it is only once can destroy the ethics officer’s reputation and ability to function effectively.

Furthermore, revealing a secret is a violation of trust and trust is at the core of all human relationships.

Unfortunately and sadly there are few people that can really be trusted with a secret. Some are careless and forgetful; others hope to gain recognition and acceptance by revealing a secret and some will do it just for personal financial gain.

King Solomon once said: “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.”

The story last week of the “balloon boy” captivated the country. The media coverage of the story was widespread. We all know that whole episode was a hoax, a publicity stunt orchestrated by the father of the boy and with the active participation of the whole family.

Here are some reflections on the incident.

It was moving to see that so many shared the anxiety for one little boy we believed was trapped in the sky. It is reassuring to see instinctive reactions of empathy manifest itself spontaneously. It indicates that people care.  No efforts to rescue him were spared. Yet, in the U.S. thousands of children die of hunger, neglect and abuse everyday but we don’t witness the same overwhelming sympathy and action.

Why?

There are many possible explanations.

One of them is that it is easier to relate to the plight of one individual, particularly if it is a child, than to relate to the despair of a large number of people.

A second explanation could be that we can become discouraged of taking any action when the demand is so overwhelming.

One way to combat such lassitude is to think of people in need in terms of individuals, not in terms of numbers. If an action we undertake helps just one person, then it is worth it. We should remember the quote attributed to the Talmud that says: “He who saves one life saves the world entire.” (This quote was mentioned in the last scene of Spielberg’s Oscar winning movie “Schindler’s List.” In that scene, Oscar Schindler, who is distraught and weeping for not having saved more lives is offered a ring by the people he saved with the quoted inscribe inside the ring.)

As to the hoax there is one question that comes to my mind:

Was Mr. Heene’s wife (the only other adult in this story) a willing participant or was she coerced?  Reports indicate that Mr. Heene has been investigated, in the past for spousal abuse. If she was coerced, to what decree was she truly responsible for her actions?

We may find ourselves in our professional and private life in a situation where we are strongly influenced, if not coerced, to do something we know is not right. We need to have the moral courage and strength to overcome our fears and simply say “no.” 

As General Douglas McArthur once said:

“The world is in a constant conspiracy against the brave - it’s the aged-old struggle - the roar of the crowd on one side and the voice of conscience on the other.”