Being Had

March 15, 2010

Nobody likes to be taken for a ride. That included the 1.8 millions New Yorkers who were “taken for a ride” in a taxi. The New York Times reported on the front page of its Saturday March 13, issue that approximately 3,000 New City taxi drivers overcharged their clients for a period of 2 years by switching their meters to out of borough rates for City trips. The investigation conducted by the Taxi and Limousine Commission discovered that 36,000 drivers switch their meters at least once (possibly in error) but that 3,000 did it more than 100 times. The total amount over-paid is $3.8 millions.

Why do we detest being had? There may be many reasons but let me list three:

1. Loss: Obviously nobody likes to lose money but in most cases the loss is not the prevalent reason of our resentment, unless we have been a victim of the Madoff fraud!
2. Shame: When we are deceived we may feel embarrassed by what we, or more importantly others might consider as poor judgment, or lack of paying attention. The meters in the taxis do indicate a change of rate, however not in a very visible manner.
3. Betrayal: We feel betrayed when someone or some institution breaks a promise whether explicit or implicit. We feel betrayed when our sense of fairness and justice has been violated.

How should we deal with betrayal? Here are some suggestions:

1. We should recognize that the feeling of betrayal is a legitimate emotion. Betrayal is a violation of trust. Trust is a core value in any relationship and without it society cannot function.
2. We should take action whether it is to confront the violator by expressing our disappointment and/or report the incident to the proper person or authorities.
3. We should also be aware that we too may have in the past, betrayed someone’s trust. We should try to make amends by apologizing and if possible find a way to compensate the person we have betrayed.
4. We should be outraged at betrayal when others are the victims.  It is interesting to note that we generally do not feel the same acuteness of betrayal when others are the victims. We should show as much concern when someone else is being betrayed.

As the American playwright Steven Deitz once said:

“One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal though… betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.”

On a personal and anecdotic note: Not too long ago, engaged in conversation with a taxi driver and I shared with him three amusing riddles. He found them very funny. When we arrived at destination he refused to charge me for the fare. “You made me laugh, and that was worth it” he said. I insisted but he would hear none of it. We finally came to a compromise and he accepted that I pay at the most half of the fare. I did not  know that there was no special discount category on the meter for making the driver laugh!

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