July 2010 Archive

The verbal abuse and outburst of Mel Gibson last week was made public on the Net and in the printed press all over the country. One could argue that the fact that Grigorieva (Mel’s ex-girl friend) taped the “conversation” is objectionable, particularly if the intent was not only to expose him but also to make a profit by selling the tape to the media.

One could also object (and I do) to the publication of both the audio and printed version of his deplorable comments. The media need not to convey such garbage.

Nevertheless Mr. Gibson said what he said and there are no excuses, ever for being racist and abusive.

How do we deal or should deal with anger? We have all encountered it either as the perpetrator or as the victim in both our private and professional life.

Below are some thoughts that might be helpful.

Anger is sometimes a legitimate emotion. Once we recognize that fact, we may be more serene in our reaction to it. We get angry when we feel betrayed or when we think someone has broken a promise, whether explicitly or implicitly. Anger is justified whether we or others are victim of the injustice.

Anger is a very debilitating emotion that often suspends reason. Once reason is suspended, we are at the mercy of committing irresponsible actions.

We should remember that anger like most emotions does not last. Aaron Ben-Ze’ev in his book The Subtlety of Emotions says that anger usually lasts a few minutes and rarely for a few hours. That must be the reason why the law requires a 48-hours “cooling time” before someone can purchase a handgun. When you feel anger rising, why don’t you take a breather, walk around the block or listen to music. Distraction, in this case, is highly recommended!

We can control anger. Anger is the cause of the first recorded murder in History. Cain killed Abel, his brother, because he was angry. God warned him when he said:

“Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you but you must master it.”

Our anger can also be misguided. More often than not, our anger is based on assumptions, rumors and hearsay, not on facts. We should make sure, before we get angry, that our information is factual.

We should also consider that our anger may have its origin in our own past or trauma and may not be directly related to the actual incident that provokes our anger. That possibility was explored in the magnificent 1957 Sidney Lumet movie Twelve Angry Men.

Abraham Joshua Heschel once wrote:

“In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves.”

P.S. I hope that reading this blog entry did not make you……really angry!

It was announced last week that Piers Morgan might replace Larry King on CNN. Piers, according to press reports: “comes with baggage.” He was fired from the position of Newspaper Editor of the Daily Mirror for allowing the publication of hoaxed images of troops abusing prisoners in Iraq. The reports also mentioned that he had been at the center of a share-dealing “scandal.”

Don’t we all carry some baggage? Have we not all at one point done something in the past, both in our work life and in our private life, that we would not do again, or that we are ashamed of and hope others will not find out?

The question is should Piers (and we) be forgiven?

We should first remember that forgiveness is never an entitlement but a gift. The etymology of the word “forgive” comes from the Old English word of “forgiefan” which means to give completely. Hence the expression: “begging” for forgiveness. You can beg for forgiveness but you cannot demand it.

Secondly forgiveness does not always exclude retribution. We sometimes have to live with the consequences of our action and misconduct.

Although forgiveness is not an entitlement, there may be some factors that could determine whether we have reasons to hope for forgiveness.

Let me list three:

• Honesty: We should take full responsibility for the wrong we have done and not blame others or give excuses.
• Remorse: We should show true remorse both in words and attitude.
• Apology: The apology must be sincere, well- communicated and accompanied by a willingness to compensate those that have been wronged.

The American public is generous and often ready to forgive if the conditions mentioned above are met.   The public at large forgave John Kennedy for the Bay of Pigs fiasco but did not forgive Nixon for the Watergate scandal. President Kennedy took full responsibility for what happened but President Nixon did not. Nixon was defensive, secretive and deceptive.

John Kador, in an article published by Chief Executive Magazine, points out that according to a 2004 study of annual reports, stock prices of companies whose CEOs blamed poor performance on controllable internal factors were higher that companies whose CEOs put the blame on external factors.

As author Martha Kilpatrick once said:

“We are all on a life long journey and the core of its meaning, the terrible demand of its centrality is forgiving and being forgiven.”

Kerry Sulkowicz a friend (and a blogger for Business Week) mentioned the other day the June 24th business and management column of the Economist, (called Schumpeter) entitled “Too many chiefs: Inflation in job titles is approaching Weimar levels.”

The article laments the fact that we are witnessing a tidal-wave of job-title inflation in the corporate world. The article gives some amusing examples such as paper boys being called “media distribution officers” lavatory cleaners called “sanitation consultants” and “managers” who no longer have anyone to manage. At the conclusion of the column, the author(s) writes: “The essence of inflation, after all, is that it devalues everything that it touches.”

I found the article very interesting and thought I would look at the ethical aspect of how we represent ourselves or would like other to see us in the workplace.

What values come into play?

I can think of three:

• Honesty:

We should avoid being deceptive in the titles we choose or ask our employer to give us. We should try to be a truthful as we can when using titles. Titles should communicate the essence of what we actually do at work.

• Humility:

Pride or should we say a lack of humility seems to me to be the main motivator when we promote our self-importance. Someone said that the definition of a “big shot” is a small shot a long way from home!

• Reputation

We should worry more about our name (our reputation) rather than the title that accompanies it. Many years ago, in Europe it was considered of high class to have just your name on your business card and no title. Your name said everything.

Someone in a posted comment on the Economist article wrote: “This is a true reflection of how phony, egotistical and narcissistic we as a society have pathetically morphed into. We have embraced and unashamedly glorified a culture of brazen deceit and superficiality, sacrificing honesty and openness at the altar of self-aggrandizement and greed.”

I think he is right.

Emmanuel Tchividjian

CEO!

(Chief Ethics Officer)