Why do we detest being had? There may be many reasons but let me list three:

1. Loss: Obviously nobody likes to lose money but in most cases the loss is not the prevalent reason of our resentment, unless we have been a victim of the Madoff fraud!
2. Shame: When we are deceived we may feel embarrassed by what we, or more importantly others might consider as poor judgment, or lack of paying attention. The meters in the taxis do indicate a change of rate, however not in a very visible manner.
3. Betrayal: We feel betrayed when someone or some institution breaks a promise whether explicit or implicit. We feel betrayed when our sense of fairness and justice has been violated.

How should we deal with betrayal? Here are some suggestions:

1. We should recognize that the feeling of betrayal is a legitimate emotion. Betrayal is a violation of trust. Trust is a core value in any relationship and without it society cannot function.
2. We should take action whether it is to confront the violator by expressing our disappointment and/or report the incident to the proper person or authorities.
3. We should also be aware that we too may have in the past, betrayed someone’s trust. We should try to make amends by apologizing and if possible find a way to compensate the person we have betrayed.
4. We should be outraged at betrayal when others are the victims.  It is interesting to note that we generally do not feel the same acuteness of betrayal when others are the victims. We should show as much concern when someone else is being betrayed.

As the American playwright Steven Deitz once said:

“One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal though… betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.”

On a personal and anecdotic note: Not too long ago, engaged in conversation with a taxi driver and I shared with him three amusing riddles. He found them very funny. When we arrived at destination he refused to charge me for the fare. “You made me laugh, and that was worth it” he said. I insisted but he would hear none of it. We finally came to a compromise and he accepted that I pay at the most half of the fare. I did not  know that there was no special discount category on the meter for making the driver laugh!

There is a historical explanation for Europeans’ strong concern about privacy. During the Nazi occupation of Europe and later during the Communist domination of Eastern Europe, both regimes used fear, surveillance and denunciation (often by private citizens) to exert their power.

There is also a historical reason why Americans are so insistent on free speech.  The American Revolutionary War was in reaction to excesses by the British Government including in the area of free speech and the media.

It is interesting to know that the word privacy does not figure anywhere in the constitution, but it does in the European Convention on Human Rights. Article 8 of the Convention states: “Everyone has the right to respect for his private and family life, his home and his correspondence.”

It seems to me that this is a case of a conflict between free expression and privacy both important values.  Where does the right of free expression ends and where does the right of privacy begins and who is entitled to impose that boundary?

Privacy is difficult to define and privacy online is even more problematic. I believe it is a very personal matter. We should each be allowed to set the boundaries between the private and the non-private or public. I believe that we are also bound, sometimes by law, but certainly by ethics to respect those boundaries where ever they may be.

A lesson we can learn from Google’s recent dispute with the Italian court is not to hesitate to complain, officially, if we feel our privacy or the privacy of others has been violated. Why did it take two months for a complaint to be made and for the video to be removed? YouTube offers viewers tips and resources on reporting and taking actions on such issues as teen safety, sexual abuse of minors, harassment, and privacy.

As the Irish 18th century politician Edmund Burke so rightly said:

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

Are there any connections between Ethics and the Olympics or sports? I believe there are many. Let me name a few.

Sports in general and the Olympic games in particular foster collaboration among participants, athletes and nations. All participants apply the rules that have been universally accepted. It is a good model for society.

A fundamental value in sports is fairness. Without fairness the sports world would not have its raison d’être. This is probably why any attempts in cheating such as using illegal muscle enhancing drugs are treated severely with measures such as disqualification, suspension and fines.

Sports can play a role in Peace bringing. The Greek City-States often at war suspended combats every four years during the Olympic Games. Rabbi Asher Meir of the Business Ethics Center in Jerusalem believes that the origin of sports is as a substitute for combat. He says: “human nations or tribes instinctively recognize that it is sometimes of mutual advantage to resolve a conflict on the playing field instead of the battlefield.” Konrad Lorenz, the Austria animal psychologist and Nobel Laureate, in his book “On Aggression” believed that humans lack inhibitors to aggression and that sports serve as a new outlet for aggression.

Could we imagine of territorial or other conflicts between two nations be resolved not by firepower or military invasion but by a sports event opposing two champions-athletes of the respective nations in conflict?

The idea that a conflict between two nations can be resolved by a one-on-one encounter is not new. In the book of Samuel, we are told of the story of the David and Goliath encounter. The Philistine’s champion, Goliath proposed to the Israelites a one-on-one combat. Goliath said: “choose a man and have him come down to me. If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects, but if I overcome him and kill him you will become our subjects and serve us.” This proposition was an alternative to war.

One may not have any affinity for the pagan symbols and rituals that accompany the Games but most of us admire, not just the astonishing prowess of the athletes but their dedication, perseverance and effort to reach a set goal.

Dedication, perseverance and effort are values we should try to emulate even if our reward or trophy is other than in gold, silver or bronze.

As Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. once said:

“But the moment you turn a corner you see another straight stretch ahead and there comes some further challenge to your ambition.”

How can individuals and countries survive such devastation?

The global solidarity response has been amazing. Hundreds of millions of dollars have been sent to Haiti. President Obama has pledged $100 million. Many other countries and private organizations are sending large sums of money as well.

Thousands of medical personnel and volunteers from all over the world are on the ground. The U.S. Health and Human Services is planning on sending 12,000 doctors, nurses, paramedics, medical technicians and 22,000 pounds of medical supplies and equipment from Georgia, California, New Jersey, Massachusetts and Florida.

The media has played a crucial role, in covering the devastation 24-7 for a number of days. This coverage undoubtedly helped increased donations both in cash, in medical supplies, food and water. A number of journalists have been directly involved in the rescue efforts and some have actually saved lives of victims by rescuing them from the rubble.

Solidarity and compassion are great human values. They are both timeless and universal.

A fundamental question is: why do we or why should we care? Are we responsible? Are we “our brother’s (and sister’s) keeper? Although these questions may seem “philosophical,” having clear and definite answers to them can, in certain situations, such as Haiti, have a “real” impact. They can make the difference between life and death for someone.

The best situation is when we believe that we have no other choice but to help the best way we can. The ideal is to do the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do. This attitude is wonderfully exemplified by the story of the inhabitants of the French village of Le Chambon-sur Lignon during the German occupation of France in WWII. All the villagers collectively, resisted the French police, the German army and the Gestapo and refused to turn in a single Jewish refugee hiding in the village. When later, asked why they had risked their own lives in saving more than 5,000 Jews, they responded by saying that they did not have any other alternative, that it was a natural thing to do.

We may sometimes be tempted to think that the little help we may be able to provide is insignificant to the vast needs of the situation. It would be a mistake to think that way because however small our contribution, it will make a difference for at least one person even if it is only for a brief moment. A single glass of water may mean everything to someone really thirsty.

As it is written in the Talmud:

“Whoever saves one life is as though he saved the whole world.”

“I was in a state of shock for a long time-I suddenly saw the world through different eyes,” she said. She then espoused Christianity, the faith of her forefathers and became a Human Rights attorney, in Turkey. She represented Hrant Dink, the editor of the Turkish-Armenian newspaper Agos when he was prosecuted for referring to the genocide. Mr. Dink was later killed by a young Turkish ultranationalist. To this day, the Turkish Government refuses to acknowledge what happened in 1915, when close to 1.5 million Armenians were killed, among them my grandfather Mihran Tchividjian.

Would we be shattered if we were told today that we had been adopted and that our biological parents were of a different ethnicity and faith? Would it change us and subsequently would it change the rest of our lives?

The issue of identity has been pondered by philosophers since antiquity. In the 5th Century BC, the philosopher Socrates gave us a good advice when he wrote “know Thyself.” However few, if any, have been able to reach that understanding.

Who are we or who do we think we are? How do our friends and family describe us? What characterizes us? Is it gender, ethnicity, nationality, religion, education, experience, profession? Is it values? Maybe it is all of these and more in different proportions.

We should also consider that people change, sometimes after a dramatic or traumatic event. Others go through an “identity crisis.”  Milan Kundera, in his short novel “Identity” writes about the fact that the human sense of self is precarious.

Author and Professor of Philosophy Kwame Anthony Appiah, at the Center for Human Values at Princeton University published a book entitled The Ethics of Identity. In his book Prof. Appiah explores the link between who we are and what we are, between individuality and morals obligations either to a particular community or the community in general.

There is a close connection between identity and ethics. Virtues are character traits. Our sense of who we are, (or who we want to be) and what we do are closely linked.

One could ask the question “are we defined by our actions or is it because of who we are that we do or do not do certain things?

Erich Fromm, the German philosopher and social psychologist believes he has the answer to that question. He wrote:

“Integrity simply means not violating one’s own identity.”

Transparency is highly recommended for good ethical management. It is sometimes a legal obligation. The Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 raised significantly the standards of corporate transparency and accountability.  The Foreign Corruption Practice Act (FCPA) allows what is called “facility payments” which must be occasional, small in value and must be disclosed.

Showing transparency and the disclosing of facts that may not necessarily be advantageous builds trust. We all know that we do not live in a perfect world and that people and companies make mistakes. Being open about them is always reassuring.

The opposite is true. The very fact of hiding something creates suspicion even if what is hidden is of no importance or of no consequences.

Transparency International, the leading organization that fights corruption worldwide chose its name well. Bribery and extortion are usually done in secret. Maybe the founders were inspired by the quote in Scriptures that says: “but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.” Very often, light is the best disinfectant.

Sometimes non-disclosure of confidentiality is a legal obligation or highly recommended.  The CIA, for instance would not be able to operate if transparency was the norm or required.

Transparency is not an absolute value and has its limits. Does anybody have absolutely “nothing to hide?” I doubt it. Privacy is an important value as well. There are such things as secrets and they should be kept. Today, in my opinion, we are exposed to too much of people’s private lives. Celebrities and now, with reality TV, just about anyone is ready to reveal to the world what should remain most private.

What are the guidelines to determine what should be revealed and what should not?

1.    We should be aware of our legal obligations and consult an attorney when in doubt.

2.    We should be clear as to our motivations for either transparency or secrecy.

3.    We should think of the consequences, both for ourselves and for others before taking action.

Felix Adler, the founder of the Society for Ethical Culture once said:

“The hero is the one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by.  The saint is the man who walks through the dark paths of the world, himself a light.”

Is there an ethics of listening? Prof. Michael Purdy PhD, University Professor of Communication Studies, at Governor’s State University IL, believes that listening is a social behavior and therefore falls under the umbrella of ethics. Prof. David Beard of the Department of Writing Studies, University of Minnesota-Duluth in an article entitled “A Broader Understanding of the Ethics of Listening: Philosophy, Cultural Studies, Media Studies and the Ethical Listening Subject” published by the International Journal of Listening in January 2009 says that listening is a choice and that there are five key choices we all make when we decide to listen. They are:

1.    The choice to listen individually
2.    The choice to listen selectively
3.    The choice not to listen
4.    The choice to listen together
5.    The choice to listen to each other.

The motivation or intent in making those decisions are often of an ethical nature.

Listening is also a skill and an art. Physicians, lawyers and Human Resources professionals depend on the skill of listening to perform their job successfully. An Ethics Officer also needs to know how to listen. Truth is often elusive and the risks of misunderstanding for an ethics officer can have a significant negative impact.

How can we be or become good listeners? Below are some ideas.

A good listener should:

1.    Be receptive, keeping an open mind and be able to make abstraction of all he or she knows or assumes. It is not always easy to do so. We all have presumptions or preconceived ideas about the person who is talking to us and of the situation involved.

2.    Be non-judgmental because judgment will limit our listening.

3.    Be observant. People “speak” in ways other than words. Body language and demeanor can be very revealing.

4.    Search for meaning beyond words and ask ourselves the question “What is the speaker really saying?”

5.    Have empathy and try to understand the background, the life conditions and possible motivation of the speaker.

6.    Be someone that can be trusted and respected.

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said:

“It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”

The term “holiday” comes from “Holy Days.” In today’s secular society the sense of the holy or sacred is for many no longer relevant. We have loss the sense of the sacred. However we may have lost more than what some consider as just an arcane religious concept. Losing the sense of the sacred has led many to a loss of meaning and of values.

There is a close connection between holiness and integrity. The etymology of the word “holy” comes from the 11th century old English word of “halig” which means uninjured, entire and complete. The etymology of the word “integrity” means one, whole and complete.

The philosopher Immanuel Kant believed that the moral law was sacred.

Prof. Antoine Vergote who studied in Paris with Claude Levi-Strauss and Jacques Lacan wrote in his book A Psychological Study of Religions, Belief and Unbelief that: “the sacred nature of moral law is derived from the sacred nature of the human person.” Even in a secular environment and in the media we often hear the expressions of “the sanctity of marriage” and the “sanctity of life.”

Our sense of what is right and wrong, of morality and ethics has deep roots in religious traditions. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin’s second volume of A Code of Jewish Ethics, is subtitled “Be Holy” making reference to the verse that says: “You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy.” His book is not so much about the observance of Jewish laws and rituals but more about suggestions as to “how to improve our character and become more honest, decent and a just people.

This year, instead of making New Year’s resolutions, (that we very rarely observe anyway) why not make a list what is “sacred” to us or in another terminology, what we consider of the highest importance, what we value the most. Such a list might be very helpful in the decisions we make both in our private and professional life during the coming year.

Joseph Campbell wrote:

Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.

Happy Holy Days!

Two weeks ago CNN aired a special program called Heroes-Everyday People Changing the World. It was truly inspiring to hear and see the story of ten (non-celebrity) individuals who had accomplished great things in service to others. It is interesting to note that none of the winners thought of themselves as heroes. It is usually the case with real heroes.

Among the 10 heroes were:

• Efren Penaflorida from the Philippines who refused to join a gang when he was 16 years old, at the risk of losing his life but instead decided to devote his life to educating street kids living in the slumps. His has educated more the 1,500 children, teaching them how to read and write with a pushcart classroom.

• Brad Blauser, a civilian contractor in Iraq quite his job to spend his life delivering free wheelchairs to Iraqi children. His Wheelchairs for Iraqi Kids program has distributed close to 650 wheelchairs so far. Brad is risking his life everyday doing why he knows is the right thing to do for him.

• Betty Makoni from Zimbabwe was raped at the age of six and not allowed, by her mother, to report the crime. Her tragic experience has led her to create the Girl Child Network who has provided a safe haven for more than 35,000 young victims of sexual abuse. She is speaking out against the so-called “virgin myth” that have people believe that a man with HIV or AIDS can be cured if he rapes a virgin.

These people and hundreds of thousands others like them have found a profound meaning in their lives.

We may not, because of our circumstances be given the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives doing such great things (although we should not close the door of our minds and heart to such a possibility.)

However we may face situations in our present private and professional lives where a punctual “heroic” action is called for. Sometimes “doing the right thing” involves taking risks and bearing a cost.

As Bob Dylan once said:

“I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.”

The New York Times just published a review of Margaret Visser’s new book entitled:  “The Gift of Thanks-The Roots and Rituals of Gratitude.” She believes that gratitude is a moral emotion. For her it is not so much about the gift received but about the receiver’s “whole life, her character, up-bringing, maturity experience, relationships with others and also her ideals, including her idea of the sort of person she is or would like to be.” 

Gratitude leads to generosity. America is a generous nation. Institutions and individuals give more to others than any other country in the world. The concept of “giving back” is born out of the sense of gratitude. One may argue that there are fiscal incentives that encourage giving. But the very fact that those incentives were included in the tax code indicates that the legislators’ intent was to encourage giving.

Gratitude in the workplace can increase job satisfaction and foster loyalty, which in turn can reduce turnover and thus increase productivity and profitability.

One could ask how can we be grateful when facing so many personal and national problems, particularly at this time. It might be helpful to put our problems into a global perspective.  Someone said that more than  half of the people in this world would love to have……. our problems. That is very true.

We also take too much for granted. It is unfortunate that we often need to have something taken away from us to realized how blessed we were prior to loosing it. Many years ago, I fell extremely ill and the doctors in the ICU in Lausanne, Switzerland did not think I would make it.  I too thought that this was most likely the end my life on this earth. I discovered that it is possible to die with regrets. I had one regret: I realized that I had passed through life without really appreciating nature, the wind, sunshine, the rain, the forest and flowers. I wished I would be given a second chance, even if for just one day. Well, I was given many more than one day. That was 38 years ago! I have been, ever since, much more appreciative of nature and grateful for life.

Jean Baptiste Massieu, the French politician during the French Revolution once said:

“Gratitude is the memory of the heart.” 

Happy Thanksgiving!